Marijuana Myths

Myth: Smoking marijuana can cause cancer, emphysema and long-term lung damage

Fact: Come on man, even the tobacco conglomerates will tell you that the chance of contracting cancer from inhaling smoke is minuscule, and it’s even less so from weed because people don’t hit a pack a day of the green monster. Also marijuana isn’t laced with tar, formaldehyde and other dangerous chemicals in order to increase profits. Tobacco smokers typically smoke a pack a day (20-cigarettes) every day for decades, but virtually nobody smokes marijuana in the quantity and frequency required to cause cancer (even Tommy Chong and Pauly Shore brag lower amounts.) A 1997 UCLA study concluded that even prolonged and heavy marijuana smoking causes no serious lung damage. Cancer risks from common foods (meat, ketchup, salt, NutraSweet, tomatoes, milk and cheese) far exceed any cancer risk posed from the smoking of marijuana, and none of them are attached to any premium sin/reparation taxes. Respiratory health hazards and cancer risks can be totally eliminated by ingesting marijuana in baked foods, eating it as a pill, or taking it in a pasty green suppository. Also, check out the documentary film “Super High Me” to see how little long-term effect there is from hitting the peace pipe.

Myth: Marijuana use makes people commit crimes

Fact: The average marijuana user’s only crime is possession of marijuana or marijuana paraphernalia. In fact, most habitual marijuana users struggle to get out of the house, let alone put together the string of thoughts necessary to even contemplate a crime. When you watch a television documentary like “Cops”, you’ll notice all the inebriated, intoxicated and maniacal individuals are in the throes of abusing alcohol, stimulants (coke, crack, or speed,) or have missed their insulin shots. The only people on there for weed are people who are guilty only of being in possession of it.

Myth: Today’s marijuana is way more potent and more harmful than it was many years ago

Fact: It’s only more potent when you land a decent score. In fact, most of the street bud out there is low-grade Mexican dirt-weed at best, the sort of stuff that’s all sticks and stems with the occasional moldy cockroach in the mix. But anyhow there is no scientific evidence that shows high-potency marijuana is more harmful than the low-potency variety stuff you get on college campuses when you don’t know the right guy. Marijuana is one of the least toxic substances known. High-potency marijuana is actually preferable because less is of it is lit up to achieve the desired effect; thereby reducing the amount of weed-cloud entering the lungs and lowering the risk of any respiratory health hazards. Claiming that high-potency marijuana is worse for you than low-potency marijuana is like claiming Everclear is more harmful than beer, but that’s a whole different debate.

Myth: Marijuana contains over 400 chemicals, so obviously it’s bad for you

Fact: Coffee contains 1,500 chemicals, and it also comes mostly from South America. Rat poison contains only 30 chemicals, but I wouldn’t smoke that. Many vegetables contain cancer-causing chemicals, but doctors still tell us to roast up bowls of them. Alcohol contains very few chemicals, but it causes countless deaths and morning-after walks of shame. There is no correlation between the number of chemicals a substance contains and its toxicity. My aunt’s recipe for lasagna boasts over 70 ingredients, and it’s all natural plus exceptionally low in fat. Former president George H. W. Bush used THC drops in his eyes and he didn’t suffer reefer madness. Prohibitionists often cite this misleading statistic to make marijuana sound more dangerous than it actually is, but it’s a smokescreen without any smoke, green or otherwise.

Myth: People sometimes overdose on marijuana and die

Fact: That’s ridiculous, and yes, the statement that this claim is ridiculous, is a fact. Though technically possible in strange clinical situations to overdose on marijuana, it is nearly impossible in practical terms. You can synthesize versions of marijuana specifically to kill an ape in a government or church funded study, but it just never happens in the real world. Due to its disorienting nature and complicated nature of introduction, the user will forget how to use the bong long before they could ever even approach overdose. The most common effect of high dose marijuana usage is losing trains of thought, losing track of time, and the experience of sometimes troubling munchies.

Myth: Marijuana can be used to slow time

Fact: Although time may indeed seem to slow or at least warp in-and-out, the actual passage of time is entirely unrelated to the consumer or consumption of marijuana.

Myth: Marijuana is a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs used in crime and prostitution

Fact: The federal government’s own statistics show that over 75 percent of all Americans who use marijuana never use harder drugs. Bill Clinton and Sarah Palin both smoked marijuana, and they never went on to any other drugs, unlike George W. Bush, who skipped the green and went straight for the white lady. The gateway drug theory should say that alcohol is the most dangerous drug of all because most coke and heroin addicts began their drug use with beer, wine, Zima and the sort of crappy wine spritzers only teenage girls drink at high school parties, not marijuana, but you don’t see a renewed effort towards prohibition. If marijuana led to prostitution, my buddy Dave would be the pimp of the world, but he barely has a girlfriend, and he’s a good looking guy.

Myth: Smoking Marijuana makes Scooby Doo seem socially relevant

Fact: Even heavy marijuana users report no findings of social relevance in Scooby Doo cartoons, with only 71% reporting that they found them “more interesting than while sober.” The myth about Scooby Doo stems not from marijuana using viewers, but from non-marijuana users who see the cartoon and recognize that its creators obviously spent a lot of time getting stoned, so much that they felt inclined to include constant allusions to it in their hit television program.

Myth: Marijuana is highly addictive

Fact: Marijuana is not physically addicting, per se. Sure, you might Jones for a toke or two now and again, but it’s not technically addictive any more than chocolate or going fishing on a Sunday afternoon. Medical studies rank marijuana as less habit forming than caffeine. The legal drugs of tobacco (nicotine) and alcohol can be just as addicting as heroin or cocaine, but marijuana is one of the least habit forming substances known, and withdrawal from it doesn’t make the user sick, crazy, or in any way inclined to murder an old lady to find cash for the next fix.

Myth: Marijuana use impairs learning ability

Fact: Among small children who have been given marijuana in clinical trials, sure, but not among adults. A 1996 U.S. government study said that heavy marijuana use may impair learning ability, but the key words there are “may” and “heavy use.” This claim is based on studying people who use marijuana daily, which is less than 1% of all smoke-a-tokers. This study concluded that A) Learning impairments cited were subtle, minimal, and temporary, or to put it another way, the learning impairment may not even exist in real or measurable ways, and, B) That long-term memory was not affected by marijuana use, no matter how heavy and chronic the use of the heavy chronic, and C) That casual marijuana users showed no signs at all of impairment in learning abilities. It also showed D) Heavy alcohol use was way more detrimental to the thought and learning process than heavy marijuana use, not to mention the terrible decisions it causes in its drunkest non-passed-out users.

Myth: Marijuana is a leading cause of drug-related emergency room admissions

Fact: What a steaming crock of bull pucky! The U.S. government reports that marijuana-related emergency room episodes are increasing, but that’s because they massaged the hell out of the stats just so they could reach that bizarre conclusion! They counted an emergency room admission as a “marijuana-related episode” if the word marijuana appears anywhere in the medical record or police report. If a patient tests positive for marijuana because they used marijuana a week earlier, or if a drunk driver admits they also smoked some marijuana a few days before, or if passenger in the car used or possessed even the tiniest amount of marijuana or toke paraphernalia, the government study counted it towards the emergency room admission count for “marijuana-related episodes.” And even still, less than 0.2% of emergency room admissions were “marijuana related” even by those ridiculously expanded criteria. This mythical statistic of marijuana-caused-emergencies was carefully crafted by the government to make marijuana appear more dangerous than it is, and it still didn’t do a very good job.

Myth: Marijuana makes people stare at their hands

Fact: The truth is that many drugs have this effect, though marijuana does it perhaps the least of all. Hallucinogens like acid and mushrooms, and ecstasy to a lesser extent, are far more likely to cause such self-inspection, while stimulants like cocaine and speed will more likely make you think there are bugs under your skin, and that you should pick them out with your nails or a sharp tool like your house keys. The fact is that stoners are far more likely to contemplate their ceilings than their hands, and any conclusions reached are typically forgotten or disregarded upon the drug wearing off.

Myth: Marijuana has no known medical uses

Fact: Marijuana has been prescribed by thousands of doctors successfully to treat a range of ailments including: nausea, anxiety, glaucoma, hypertension, pain, depression, menstrual cramps, epilepsy, seizures, OCD, Tourette’s, Alzheimer’s, pain relief, bipolar disorder, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s Disease, HIV dementia, Anorexia Nervosa, Spasticity, asthma, colitis, sinusitis, fibromyalgia, scoliosis, chronic boredom, hepatitis, migraine, spondylolisthesis, whiplash, carpel tunnel syndrome, arthritis, gastritis, peptic ulcer, dysthymic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, attention deficit disorder (ADD), schizophrenia, Lyme disease, attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), Crohn’s Disease and insomnia. There are over 250 ailments known to be treated by medical marijuana, so the argument that there are no known uses in medicine is absolute craziness.