Q & A

Because we get so many questions flowing in every day, we’ve broken them in to the following three categories. Please check below to see if we’ve answered your question already before sending us you letter. If we haven’t, by all means please send us a letter so we can keep our finger on the pulse of what our readers really need to know.
• Marijuana Questions
• Slavery Reparations Questions
• ChronicReparations.com Project Questions

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MARIJUANA QUESTIONS:

How come marijuana hasn’t been already been legalized?

The biggest problem with the pro-marijuana movement is it’s mostly made up of stoners who, you know, will totally get started on getting it done tomorrow, dude. Our approach is designed to meet the conservative right-wing leaders where they already are, which is to say we’ll meet them at the previously appointed time.

What about other drugs like crack?

Crack is a drug entirely unlike marijuana. It creates horrible addiction, destroys families, reduces neighborhoods to war zones, and destroys the pride of communities one crackhead at a time. It makes VCRs cost $5 at 4:00 in the morning and the best looking girl from high school sell her insides out for $15 on her best night without regret. Crack does not carry any of the same merits as marijuana, and we have no plans now or ever to endorse, promote, or regulate this horrible drug for taxation or sale.

Can I smoke weed and drive?

The laws pertaining to intoxication will be nearly identical to those used for alcohol. No more can you drink and drive than can you smoke a joint and drive. Impairment, however recreational it may be, is simply not acceptable in a world where other people and their children are on the road or sidewalks.

What if I drive even better when I’m smoking weed?

This argument is often raised, but it is not a reality; only a perception developed in a cloud of bong haze. You do not drive better when you’re stoned, even though you drive much slower. This is a legal issue, and a good one, and one that should barely be dignified with an answer. What limited answer we’ll give is that there is absolutely no driving while under the influence of any drug, not even a prescription drug, not even a legal drug, not even marijuana. If it creates impairment, which marijuana does, it can’t be combined with the operation of heavy machinery, such as a car, SUV or pimped out Escalade.

I strongly oppose marijuana, what should I do?

Don’t smoke it. When you get the roach clip, just keep passing it, because if it isn’t your thing, you don’t have to enjoy it. You can stay uptight and forget the mellow all you like. If you don’t believe in abortion, good news, you don’t have to have one. Don’t tell us that you support or endorse the legalization of marijuana, tell us if you believe in choice and free will or not.

What companies support the legalization of marijuana?

Very few have come out to declare open support so far, for fear of a boycott from the few hick supporters of people like James Dobson and Pat Robertson. There are however many companies that benefit from the consumption of marijuana, like Pizza Hut, Nintendo, the makers of lava lamps and purveyors of patchouli oil, just to name a few.

Should I smoke pot with my parents (or children?)

Because this decision is one that you should take very seriously, please think earnestly about it and talk it through with trusted friends. We can’t give you a straight answer to such a deep and personal question, but if we could, it would be, “yes.” Please bear in mind that it could be argued that we’re perhaps a bit biased.

Can’t I overdose on Marijuana?

That is correct, yes you can’t.

Doesn’t weed cause brain damage?

Contrary to scare campaigns periodically published by government agencies, there is no credible scientific report that shows any short or long term brain damage. If the monkeys in those studies had been properly controlled and the results peer reviewed, you would find no long-term effects, with the only short-term effects being increased munchies and a greater likelihood for baboon-based silliness.

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Slavery Reparations Questions

How would it work?

You can look at California’s medical marijuana laws and programs as a good guideline. There are state-licensed growers, state-licensed sellers, and a tax structure in place to monetize the chain of distribution. Basically it means that prices have gone down, criminals have been largely removed from the equation, and yet the consumption of marijuana while operating heavy machinery remains safely illegal. The extra steps we’d take will be to create a national registry of African Americans, collect an agreeable tax basis to distribute these funds through legitimate channels towards the benefit of registered beneficiaries, and start funding the desperately needed programs to advance the causes of slave descendents.

Who is going to get paid out of this?

All black Americans will be eligible for pay down to ¼ bloodline, exactly the same way that tribal rights have been historically managed. Because no person-by-person registration has taken place to date, anyone who claims African heritage will be counted as 100%, full-blooded African upon their self-declaration. If and when you register, you may declare yourself 100%, 75%, 50% or 25% black, and we will believe you; we have no alternative. Our nation has already extended such great and sweeping distrust towards African Americans, taking this at the word is the least we can do. There are many full-blooded blacks who are fair skinned, and many dark skinned blacks who are mostly European, so without proof against it, there is no legal reason the government should not believe the person who registers.

Won’t this system lead to many white people claiming to be black?

Oh, I get it, you mean like white people who would game the system to take advantage of the benefits of this multi-billion dollar revenue stream. That possibility does exist, but it’s already in place when you fill in the blank on any loan, job or student application form, yet it’s very rarely abused. The truth in practice is that no white person would ever “just say” that they’re black no matter how great the perceived benefit might be. The very notion is preposterous, and the white person who would claim it is an odd anomaly, to put it kindly. If you could “just choose” to be white or black, be honest for a second and tell me if you’d swing the other way… if you would, wouldn’t it be a swing to the light side of the force?

How would we keep track of black people?

When the last treaty was established with remaining Native American tribes not wiped out by war and small pox, the government performed a comprehensive census of Native Americans in order to forever track blood-quantums to manage treaty rights accordingly. They figured the bloodline would be diluted to the point of irrelevance in a few generations, but history has had that last laugh. This will work the same way. You will opt in to being tracked as an African American, and when your children are born, their blood-quantum will be recorded and tracked as well. So long as they keep the African bloodline at or above 25%, they will be entitled to reparation rights forever.

What if my parents weren’t slaves in America, am I still eligible?

Fortunately or unfortunately, the difficulty in tracking who was, and who was not a slave is an impossible task, thanks in no small party to whitey eradicating records to avoid a situation just like this. Because of this historical records gap, we intend to extend reparation rights to all citizens who claim African heritage. Even if your parents came over from Africa twenty years ago, you are still subject to the same racial discriminations as a black who has had family roots in the country for 300 years. It’s this inequality we hope to remedy, so no matter how shallow your roots in slavery or racial discrimination, we’ll fight to right the wrongs you’ve suffered at the hands of white American prejudice.

My family never owned slaves, why should I have to pay reparations?

That’s one of the best things about the whole arrangement. No one “has to pay” anything if they don’t willingly choose to. Maybe you’re grandparents weren’t present when Custer mowed down a million Indians, but you’re still free to throw a nickel in the Lucky Lady machine at the local casino just for fun. If you are dead set against paying for reparations, you don’t have to take part, and you can boycott the whole endeavor by simply passing on the dochie, specifically around the left hand side.

Where will the reparations money go?

A Non-Governmental Organization with several layers of accountability and oversight will be established, hopefully in cooperation with the NAACP, to administer the funds. They will ideally be used to fund college scholarships, small business loans, health care, retirement, job placement, career training and other unfunded or underfunded social programs.

I’m a white African American from South Africa’s former ruling party, can I participate?

This sickening loophole, though wide open, requires a pair of balls on the participant the likes of which even politicians and used car salesman can’t imagine mustering. If you are an African American, and you emigrated from South Africa, and you are formerly from the ruling class in the apartheid equation, you are still technically eligible to register legitimately as an African American, but if you do, may God have mercy on your soul because no one else will.

Is this project endorsed by the NAACP?

At this time we are not endorsed by the NAACP, NCAA or any other African American or other organization, though we hope to secure endorsements very soon. Your signature on our petition will help give traction to our cause and speed this process along, and if you are an administrator at the NAACP, please contact us immediately to arrange a cooperative arrangement. We’d love to hear from you!

Can other nationalities get reparations too?

We get this question a lot, especially from the Irish who like to go back to the whole “No Irish Need Apply” myth. Sorry leprechauns, but no matter what you may have been taught in grade school, this prejudice was manufactured out of a need to feel like victims, even though it never actually happened. You can Google it to learn for yourself if you’re still so deeply entrenched in your own victim complex that you don’t believe it, but it’s as plain as the freckles on your face. The Irish rose in a single generation from their flood of immigration into societal prominence, almost immediately controlling the police, politics, professional boxing, and business. We have no plans at present to advance reparations for any race other than African Americans, and we have no sympathy for the supposed racial underdogs who actually controlled much of America from entertainment to politics (all the way up to the presidency!)

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ChronicReparations.com Project Questions

Who is in charge of Chronic Reparations?

Due to extremely violent and credible threats against our staff, we have been forced to step back from the public light and conceal our names and identities. We didn’t start this way, but white supremacists and Christian evangelicals desperate to maintain our current, failed system have threatened our lives and told us in plain terms that they would murder our children by choking them to death with their bare hands. We still won’t take this site offline, and we won’t stop our quest, and we’re standing up for what we believe in because we know it is fair, just and the only right solution for everyone.

Are you guys white people, or black people?

We are people, and that’s all that should matter. I’d like to tell you we’re white, black and green, but the truth is that we’re many people of different shades and philosophies, and almost none of us from our group plans to smoke marijuana once it’s legal. It’s not about selfish desires, it’s about the greatest good and what makes sense for all of us. If it was up to me I’d outlaw alcohol today and watch a million lives saved over the next few years, but I enjoy a beer from time to time, and I know the idea is impossible. That isn’t the greatest evil, but putting our friends and neighbors in jail, forever branding them as convicted felons and stripping them of their civil rights, that is the real evil.

Are you guys just racists in disguise?

No we aren’t. A racist in disguise is a klansman. We are just a group of citizens working towards a change for a better tomorrow. We see millions of Americans being treated like criminals just for smoking the same pot that our politicians have admitted to. We see billions of precious tax dollars wasted trying to stamp out a smoldering bud that has never hurt anyone. We also recognize the injustices that were long ago served, and are still being handed down, to African Americans. If this is a nation where all men are created equal, we need to shut up and put our money where our mouth is, even if our mouth is on a blunt and our money is funding desperately needed projects in housing, education and business reform.

Why is the petition hosted by some other web site?

We don’t have the money to make a petition script of reasonable quality for our site. Not one that would be legitimate and capable of stopping abuse from one side or the other. If we hosted it ourselves, some people might think we faked our signatures and support figures somehow. We want the process to be independent so nobody can say we forged the figures. Also the site we chose makes it so that we have to put up a petition against what we want, so that even if we get a million signatures, people can see if the other side gets ten million signatures, so the true will of the people can come out undisputed. This hurts a lot of causes, but we’re confident in what people really so well that we have nothing to fear.

Can I donate to help the cause?

Nope. In our effort to remain non-partisan and completely free from the appearance of bias, we are not taking any contributions from anyone. If you want to help us out, tell all your friends, sign our petition, tell your friends to sign the petition, and maybe email us a hot shot of your sweetness to tell us how much we rock. Aside from that, you can tell your local lawmakers to legalize it for reparations, and call your neighborhood news outlets to tell them to cover our project. We don’t want your money, we want a change for the best, and we won’t rest until we get it.